I didn’t want to be living my life

The reason I contacted Carly goes way back.

In 2013 I got pregnant with my first son. At 7 weeks my husband left me. He told me in the parking lot of Canadian tire.

I went through my entire first pregnancy alone. I worked full time, right up until the day I gave birth.

I really resented not having a “normal” pregnancy, with a spouse and all the happy moments shared together. After Rigel was born, my ex came in and out of our lives as he pleased and payed me minimal child support or nothing at all. I was left taking on all the responsibility to raise a baby alone and try to make ends meet. We ate at the food bank and had next to nothing.

I was feeling extremely exhausted, lonely and depressed.

My ex came in and out of our lives, and I let him. Sometimes he loved me, other times not. The reason for him leaving each time was something I had done. I was accused of being angry, controlling and jealous. After hearing that so much I just started to think that’s the person I had become -

just this angry single mom that no one was ever going to love.

I went back to work full time after maternity leave, which brought on more stress. I was on a never ending wheel of taking care of my son, work, and all the household responsibilities. My ex decided he wanted to get back together with me in 2015. I allowed him back in, only adding to my responsibilities the task of supporting the family financially while he built a business. I was super stressed and still felt alone, and I had no time for me whatsoever.

We ended up getting pregnant with our second son and things just... for lack of a better term... "shit tanked" from there.

3 weeks before Cayman was due, my husband packed his things and left again.

Cayman was born and was the most colicy baby. He needed my 24 hour attention. I felt so lost and had no idea who I was anymore. That year was so hard. I found a bit of a release in taking the baby to MOGA, a local mom and baby gym, while my older son was at daycare. I ran a couple races, and even did a half marathon. I was feeling good... until I went back to work.

Again - No time for me, exhausted, irritated, anxious and having no work life balance.

I had no idea who I was, besides being an angry working mom. And I believed I was that. I hated spending time with my kids because they just felt like work. On my days off with them I couldn’t wait until bedtime. I was crying all the time and yelling at my kids for just being silly. I ended up in the hospital due to having a mental breakdown and panicking.

I didn’t want to be living my life.

It really felt like I was that angry person my ex made me out to be. I was so done! I was looking for something to help me, and that's when I found Carly and her program, the Habits of The Real You.

I contacted her and connected with her immediately. In hearing about the program, at first I was hesitant. Like how on earth is drinking water in the morning going to fix my fucked up life? But as I worked the steps it all started to become clear. I started to sleep better without medicating, my digestion improved (I became a once a day pooper which is unheard of for me!!) and the biggest overall change was that I stopped yelling at my children.

For the first time in 10 years I was able to just be silly and laugh.

Now I have dance parties with my kids and we talk about silly things. I actually look forward to seeing my kids and spending time with them on the weekends. Things are definitely not perfect and really all the external triggers are still there. My kids misbehave, I still work full time, I still deal with my ex and his awful words and actions towards me. But because of Carly I have the tools to still remain calm and work though life instead of becoming an anxious mess. I also have learned that I am not a bad person or a bad mom for putting myself first. I am actually a way better person when I practice self care. I am now able to set boundaries with people and stick to them. I am running a few races this year and am feeling so healthy and confident. People at work are often commenting that I look lighter and far happier than I ever have.

I am so grateful that I learned the Habits and that I had Carly and the rest of my tribe helping and supporting me. I am so happy that I’ve met a group of wonderful women,